When you and your partner embark on your role as new parents, there are bound to be some frictions. It is not uncommon to encounter disagreements over a wide range of issues like who will be responsible for changing the nappies to what brand of milk formula to buy for the baby. However, there are 5 issues all parents are known to fight over.
The 5 common rows are:
Issue #1: Whose turn is it?
Quite often, the stay at home parent may feel that the other partner who is out working is not putting in enough effort in parenting. The working parent however may feel that it is impossible to do more when he is out to work most of the time.
Advice: Both partners must be understanding and come to a compromise. The responsibilities can be flexible and negotiable. One partner does not have to be responsible for doing a particular chore or task. For example, one partner may offer to cook while the other one feeds the baby. It could be vice-versa on other days.
Issue #2: Who knows best?
Each parent may think that he or she knows what is best for the child. One parent may get to spend more time with the child and hence knows more about the child’s preferences or needs making the other parent feel left out. The differences in background, upbringing and education may also cause different views or opinions in parenting.
Advice: Both of you know best and have a common goal of wanting what is good for your child. Hence, it is important to come to a mutual decision. Share information and discuss your views and respect each other’s opinions.
Issue #3: Who works harder?
One parent stays at home and does all the tedious work of taking care of the baby and household chores like cleaning and cooking. The other parent has to go out and face the daily office work grind and the long commute between the house and the office. Each of you may be feeling that the other partner is having an easier life.
Advice: Both of you must understand that parenting is the responsibility of two people. Each one is playing a different role towards a common goal. Therefore, it is not a competition. Plan to have time alone with each other at least once a week or every fortnightly. For example, going to the movies or out to dinner.
Issue # 4: Who gets up in the middle of the night?
This is an old and persistent argument. Generally, the mom has to get up a few times a night especially if she is breastfeeding. The other partner does not think he is needed since it is a mom’s job to feed the baby and do other things at the same time.
Advice: The going can get very tough if the baby does not sleep well during the night especially during the first few months and both parents will end up being very tired. The mom should sleep during the day when the baby sleeps to gain back her strength. The dad should help in other ways like changing the nappies or preparing the feed bottle. He should also help to soothe the baby during the night if the partner has not had any rest yet. The idea is to work as a team.
Issue #5: There is no sex life anymore.
More often than not, the male partner misses the sex life more than the other partner. The female partner will often be too tired, as most energy would be spent taking care of the baby and other household responsibilities.
Advice: Plan ahead to have intimate moments with each other. The male partner should not assume that the female partner is ready for sex anytime he wants it. If you have not made plans earlier, the baby or child will normally turn out to be the first priority and you will discover that there is no time for other important things.
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hmmm…very true :p
Damn – you hit the nail on the head with this one. My wife and I are always at odds over these exact 5 things.
Hi Tyler, most couples go through these experiences. It is difficult to run away from these common issues
Thank you for submitting to my Parents Helping Parents carnival. I enjoyed reading your list and have made it an “Editor’s Choice!” Thanks again!
Hi John, thank you for accepting my submission and making it an “Editor’s Choice”.
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