Combining a work career and parenting at home can give a person a stressful life. There are so many things going on at once every day and too many things that do not get done properly. Do you often face this kind of situation?

I do and I like to blame this stressful environment as the root cause of my soaring cholesterol level. My spouse however, says that it is the fried food that I like to eat coupled with a sedentary lifestyle. I still say that it is due to stress and a person should know his own body better, right?

To “de-stress”, I have learned to do simple things that do not cost a lot of money. Money is a common worry, not that we do not make enough but because we want to preserve and make it work for us. Hence, keeping our financial situation in good proper condition needs work as well.

Below are some of my ways or methods to pick myself up when I am feeling down or despondent and beat stress at the same time:

• Call and talk to a friend. Sometimes going online and writing an email to a friend helps a lot. It is almost as good as talking to someone. It also means that I am keeping in touch with my friends as well.

• Eat something. You can call it comfort food but I do control the portion as well as the type of food that I eat. It does not have to be food as sometimes a good cup of hot aromatic coffee works for me as well.

• Read a good book. I am lucky as I live near a public library. I get to visit it at least once a week. There is nothing like losing myself in a good book for awhile and forget about my worries.

• Get some exercise. I have a stationary bicycle at home if I want to sweat it out for a few minutes. I also find it a good time to think as I cycle to nowhere. So I get to do two good things simultaneously, exercise and find a solution to a problem.

• Take a nap. This sometimes helps as a way of taking a short break. This is actually my spouse’s favorite way of de-stressing. Make your room as comfortable as possible and taking an hour of nap can do wonders for a tired mind and body.

photo credit: Flyinace2000

Of course you can only do some of the things above when your kids are occupied. My kids could be busy doing their homework or engrossed in a good two hour movie on TV. I also take turns with my spouse in taking care of the kids so that one person can have time off from the responsibility. What are your tips for beating stress at home?

Numerous studies have shown that an absent father in a family has a significant impact on all troubling behavior in children. It may well be one of the most important single contributor causing the problem.

The reasons vary on why fathers are absent such as

• Separation or divorce
• Second families
• Death
• Overseas or long distance workplace
• Unplanned pregnancy

photo credit: Army.mil

Being the main male role model in the family, the effects can be serious. For example,

• The single mom will face a huge challenge parenting alone.

• The child will grow up affected by the fact that he was abandoned by an important person. The feeling of not being good enough or rejected will stay on as he grows.

• To a girl, when an important male abandons her, she may grow up believing that men cannot be trusted.

• A single female parent may face difficulty in dealing with an adolescent child.

Statistics show that one in five children is living with a single parent. Teen pregnancy and single parenthood are also on the rise. These cases may be the result of a marriage breakdown. In such a case, parents have to work hard on their marriage relationship and maintain their family unity in order to avoid falling into any of the situation above.

Most couples would like to have children of both sexes. My spouse and I were hoping that when I conceived, everything would go according to plan. My first child is a boy and when we planned for the second one, we wanted it to be a girl. Well, things normally do not turn out as planned, and we had another boy. We waited for five years before trying again for a girl. We are happy to finally get the girl we wanted. We have decided that our family is now complete as raising children nowadays takes proper financial planning and three children is the limit for us.

Boys vs. girls: Which one is easier to raise

When you are parenting children of both sexes, it is normal to make comparison in their behavior. You will actually see the differences starting from when they are babies. No child is alike and it is not due to the gender differences either. My two boys are completely different. The first one was a happy contented baby and slept a lot while my second one was a bit colicky and did not like to nap. The first one is a bit of an introvert whereas the second one is very talkative and inquisitive.

Being boys, I like to play rough with them and they like it. They fell down a lot throughout their growing up years as they cannot seem to sit still. They enjoy playing with toys whether it is a toy truck or a cookery set. Only when they are older, their preferences tend to veer towards boy stuffs like toy guns and cars.

My daughter seems to fall somewhere in the middle of the two boys. She was very contented as a baby but did not like to sleep for long periods as well. Being a girl does not deter her from climbing all over the furniture in the house. She likes to play with her teddy bear as much as she likes to play with her brother’s toys.

Based on my experience, I will not say raising one gender is easier compared to the other gender. Both genders have their differences and I have experience frustrating moments with both although in different situations. As a parent, I learn about their personalities, their likes and dislikes and it is normal to encounter bumps along the way. My conclusion is boys and girls are hard to raise but in different ways.

I would love to hear a parent say that raising their child has been smooth sailing all the way. I may be able to say that when my kids are older, much, much older and all grown up.

What is your opinion on the above? I have friends who say girls are much easier to raise than boys. What do you think based on your parenting experience?

photo credit: GoonSquadSarah

Women today are still grappling with the issue of either going back to work or staying at home to take care of their baby. There are pros and cons to consider what is best for you and your family. Below are some things to ponder to help you decide and to reach a mutual agreement with your partner.

Money

Top of the list is money. Is there a financial need for you to go back to work? If you are the top earner compared to your partner, then your partner may be the one to stay home with the baby or children.

Equality

Men and women are equal in many ways now and so it is with parenting. Giving up a good career does not have to be the mum. The decision must be in the best interest of the entire family.

photo credit: Cia de Foto

Personal happiness

Some women feel happy going to work as it makes them feel more confident and satisfied at home. They are happier going home after working at a satisfying job. Some reportedly have more patience upon reaching home and dealing with their parenting role.

Working outside part-time or be your own boss

Some women are addicted to the great feeling of working and accomplishing something. A possible solution is to do a part-time job that enables you to split the time between working and being a mom. The other option is to start up your own home-based business.

Precious milestones

Being at home means you get to see your baby accomplish important milestones. For some women, nothing is more important than their family and they are the happiest being a mom.

Personal time

It is important to have time alone or “me-time”. A working mom will find it difficult to have this as a large chunk of time is already spent at work and hence the balance is for the family. Being a stay-at-home mom makes it easier to slot in some personal me time.

Become a volunteer

A great idea to get the same sense of accomplishment as going out to work is to do some volunteer work. You can volunteer to help out in a school, church activities, etc.

What is your say on this matter?

Parenting takes a lot of work and keeps us busy enough. Hence, it helps to learn tips to simplify our household work and leave more quality time to spend with the children. In addition, the tips below are meant to be low budget and save money in the long run.

Versatile vinegar

Vinegar is used in cooking and it can also be used for cleaning. Use it undiluted to clean mildew and grout stains. For windows, mix equal parts of water and vinegar and spray on the windows. Clean off with a soft cloth. If you have copper pots, use vinegar with a pinch of salt to clean and shine. You have run out of fabric softener? Try adding one cup of white vinegar during the final rinse of your wash. The vinegar is mild enough not to damage your clothing and it breaks down the soap deposits to leave your clothes soft and fresh.

photo credit: tm_lv

Baking soda

Use baking soda to get rid of cockroaches. Mix equal parts of baking soda and powdered sugar and place in infested areas. They love the sugar but the soda will poison them. Baking soda is also useful in getting rid of mice. Just sprinkle the areas with pure baking soda.

If you are always faced with dirty socks, pre-soak them with a baking soda solution first. This will loosen the soil and enables them to be easier to clean.

Mix four tablespoons of baking soda with a quart of warm water to scrub and deodorize your microwave. To clean your walls or other surfaces, use the following mixture of one-fourth cup of baking soda, a half cup of white vinegar, one cup of ammonia and a gallon of water.

Carpet freshener

Make your own freshener by mixing three-fourths cup of baking soda, one-fourth cup of talcum powder, 2 tablespoons of cornstarch and a few drops of your favorite scent (optional). Sprinkle this mixture all over your carpet and leave for about fifteen minutes. Vacuum the carpet and your carpet will smell fresh and clean again.

Salt trick

Instead of using color safe bleaches, try using a few pinches of salt to the wash water. Salt is milder compared to bleach and your clothes will retain their colors and last longer. Mix some salt with vinegar to shine your glasswares. Salt is also effective as a flea repellent. Use salt water to wash your pet and the fleas will stay away.

If you like to use candles but hate the dripping wax, soak the candles for a few hours in a very salty solution. Dry the candles before lighting and you will have drip-free candles.

After giving birth, women have to start thinking of a suitable birth control method or contraceptive. Although the options are many, not all may be suitable for you. Below are four common questions that women have regarding birth control which can help to guide you to make the correct choice.

Q: What is a safe method to use while I am breastfeeding my baby?

Women who are breastfeeding should avoid the Patch and the Ring that deliver hormones into the blood stream as well as birth-control pills that contain estrogen and progestin. All these can affect your milk supply.

The alternative is to take the “mini-Pill” (e.g. Micronor) or to use an intrauterine contraceptive like a diaphragm, sponge, cervical cap or condom.

photo credit: Raphael Goetter

Q: I would like to have another baby quite soon and would like to choose a suitable method that does not affect my chances of conceiving. What is a suitable choice?

You can apply the normal birth control methods except Depo-Provera which can delay or affect your fertility for a longer period.

Q: I would like to have a long-term contraceptive but I do not want it to be permanent. What is the recommended method?

An intrauterine contraceptive (IUC) is suitable, for example the Mirena IUC and ParaGard. Another option is the Implanon which is a matchstick-size rod that is implanted on your arm, just under the skin.

Q: Is it safe for women over 36 years old to take hormonal birth control?

It is safe as long as you do not smoke and do not have a heart disease problem. Research shows that taking the Pill gives protection against ovarian cysts and ovarian, uterine and colorectal cancers.

Women commonly experience postnatal depression or the baby blues right after giving birth. Do you know that men can have depression as well? The focus has always been on women as they are more willing to seek help whereas men tend to keep quiet about their problems.

The father’s role is as important as the mothers’ and the children will be affected if either parent has mental health problems. Fathers should be aware that studies have shown children whose fathers have this problem are likely to have behavioral disorders or psychiatric problems as well. It is true that mothers are the main child giver especially when the children are very young. However, the father’s role is equally important and has a deep influence on the child’s development. Men are getting more involved in their children’s upbringing and playing the nurturing role equally with the women. In some cases, it is the father who stays home and the mother goes out to work.

photo credit: Just Taken Pics

Fatherhood

Studies show that the age range of 18 to 35 years is the peak age for men to be affected by psychiatric disorders. This is the normal age range for men to become a father. The advice to men is to seek help when they face a problem in order to be able to play their parenting role more effectively.

If a father turns to the bottle or alcoholism for relief, then he is risking even more. Studies have shown links between alcoholism and conduct disorders problem in children where they behave destructively and aggressively and also abuse substance. In addition, paternal alcoholism has been associated with a higher risk of low self-esteem, mood disorders, depressive symptoms, poor performance in school and social problems.

Parents who have bipolar disorders may produce adolescents who are ten times more likely to develop bipolar disorder compared to normal adolescents with healthy parents. Hence, paternal depression and other problems do exist and fathers are advice to seek treatment instead of keeping quiet if they want to ensure their family’s wellbeing.

Sex is a big issue between married couples. It is an important aspect in a marriage relationship and therefore has to be maintained. Women are particularly concern about it especially right after giving birth. Some of these concerns are brought up below.

#1: When is the right time to have sex?

Women who had a normal vaginal delivery can resume their sex life after the bleeding has stopped. Those who had a Caesarean section or a complicated delivery that requires an episiotomy should refer to their doctor for advice. The woman should be physically and psychologically ready before she resumes her sex life. The time length varies for different women and can be within a few weeks or even up to a year.

#2: Will sex be different after a baby?

There may be some loss of sensation as the vagina was stretched during the delivery. You can tone back the vagina by doing some exercises on the pelvic floor muscles. Your partner generally does not have an issue on this matter as he is more concern about resuming physical intimacy with you.

#3: Is contraception needed immediately?

Contraception is important as soon as you resume sexual intercourse. Women have been known to get pregnant within a month of delivery or while still breastfeeding their babies.

#4: Will my partner see or treat me differently?

This issue needs to be discussed by both partners to prevent any misunderstandings. The right answer will vary for each couple and there should be a mutual agreement at the end.

#5: After giving birth, will the woman’s libido be affected?

There is a possibility that the woman’s libido or sex drive is low. Having a new responsibility and taking time to recover from the birth experience will no doubt affect the woman’s libido. Hence, both partners should work together to maintain the physical intimacy or affection in various ways such as cuddling or massaging each other. The woman’s libido will eventually return but needs to be worked on with the help of the partner.

photo credit: HAMED MASOUMI

To get useful advice on other marital issues that are affecting the marriage relationship, get a free report at http://Tips4Everyone.com

Father’s Day in June came and went just like any other normal day. How many of us actually spend some time to ponder on the men’s role in the household? The father’s role is varied but no less important than the mother’s role.

In my household, the father is the disciplinarian as the children are more scared of him. When there is fighting among the children, dad will be the one to end the fighting and punish the culprit. In other words, he is the one to enforce the rules and set the standards at home.

Mothers are more sensitive and love to hug and cuddle the children. Fathers tend to be more aggressive and active. They love to play rough, tumble games with the kids. It is no wonder that kids tend to prefer their dads when it comes to sports or playing games.

There is also a difference in the way dad solves the problem faced by the kids. With homework for example, the mom tends to help and give the answers whereas the dad will let the child attempt and make mistakes first before giving a helping hand.

When it comes to asking for something, for example a new school bag or toy, who do you think the kids will ask? The mother of course, being the sensitive “softy” and the kids will only approach the father later. In my household, this is a common occurrence where the kids like to sweet-talk the mother into giving them what they want. Then, my definite answer is to ask your father’s permission first. It shows that the kids are more wary of their dad than of me.

photo credit: acme401

However when it comes to going places or to outings, the father comes first. He is more adventurous and more fun to be with according to the kids. As for myself, I am more than happy to have some quiet time at home and encourage the kids together with their dad to go out and have fun outside.

A study of 100,000 children born between 1980 and 1996 was done and it was found that the fatality rate is higher for children whose father is over 45 years of age. These children by older fathers died due to problems related to congenital defects, for example of the heart and spine as well as epilepsy, schizophrenia and autism. The study compared the deaths of children of older fathers to the children fathered by men aged between 25 and 30 years of age.

Sperm quality affected by ageing

Of the total children studied above, 830 have died even before the age of 18 and many of whom were below the age of one. Another research found that older fathers were more likely to father a child with Down’s syndrome that is four times higher. An explanation for this may be due to the genetic quality of sperm which deteriorates as the men gets older.

Throughout the years, most research is focused on the mother instead of the father. Most people are aware of the increased risks from having an older mother, for example higher rates of Down syndrome which is one in 100 by the age of 40. The risk of miscarriages also increases with the mother’s age. However, people should also be aware of the increased risk posed by older fathers. Scientist is still unable to determine the exact effect or impact on the quality of sperm due to the ageing process. Hence it is not possible to detect problems or defects before conception.

Lower IQ link to late fatherhood

An additional reason to have children earlier is related to a study that found that fathers who have children later have higher risk of having children with slightly lower IQs. Older fathers have been link to children that scored lower on various tests that cover speaking, arithmetic, reading, motor skills, etc. Researchers found that men’s testosterone levels start to decrease gradually at age 30. The recommended or ideal age for men to have children is in the 20s and early 30s.

photo credit: foundphotoslj