I came across an article that warns of the things we should not say to our teenagers due to the negative consequences. My kids have not reached their teens yet but they are growing up fast and will soon cross that line.
Check to see whether you are guilty of saying any of the following to your teenage son or daughter.
#1: Comparison with another person
E.g. “Why can’t you be like your cousin who excels in school?”
A parent’s job is to give support regardless of how another person is doing. Your teen will learn that his parent’s love is not dependent or conditional on his test results. As a result, he may well turn out to be confident and determine to accomplish something.
#2: Negative labeling
E.g. “You are a lazy person!”
When you negatively label your child, be careful that he does not believe what you say. Your teen will continue to develop throughout his teenage years and will have specific interest. He may be facing a problem with his studies if he is lazy with his school work. Find out the root cause for his laziness and give advice or a solution. Focus on finding the reason behind a problem instead of labeling your teen negatively.
#3: Giving loose warnings or baseless warnings
E.g. “You will never graduate or get a degree if you keep behaving like this.”
Wanting to motivate their children, parents like to say things like the above. Projecting a bleak outcome or future means you may be overlooking his talents or ability. As mentioned earlier, your teenager will continue to learn and have different interest.
The important thing is for your teen to have a good attitude which matters more than his grades. Your teen’s sense of self is not related to his grades and failing a subject does not make him a failure.
#4: Threatening with material things
E.g. “I won’t buy you that new cell phone if you fail your exams.”
Saying the above only shows that you are just focusing on the grades rather than placing overall importance on education. Be careful that your teen will only perform when there is a material incentive rather than because he wants to personally succeed in his studies.
Lastly, remember that over supporting your teen can never be wrong and can serve to motivate your teen instead.
photo credit: Lori Greig