photo credit: torres21

If you are like me, I would prefer to go back being a teenager then being a parent now. Although when I was in my teenage years, I wanted to be an adult as soon as possible. I thought being an adult was more fun, had more freedom, less worries and of course more money to spend.

I would readily admit now that being an adult or parent is no piece of cake. My children are all still below 10 years of age but I can’t help noticing my other friends who got married earlier and are now faced with raising teenagers.

The parent’s complaints

Some of the common complaints I hear are:
• The are lazy and irresponsible
• They are not concern about their school work and grades
• They are not open about the things they do outside the home
• They like to keep to themselves and to keep a distance from loved ones
• They can be self-centered or self-absorbed
• They quietly do things (e.g. drink) without the parent’s knowledge

The parent’s expectations are to have their teens be more respectful, mature and responsible. What seems very obvious to me is that the parents are worried that they are losing control over their teenagers. On the other hand, the teenagers are trying to get more freedom and assert their independence.

However, when the parents are queried on what actions they have taken to address this problem, they just shrug and say it is a phase that their teenagers are going through. The parents are being patient and hope it gets better once the teenagers have moved on leaving the difficult phase behind.

Parent’s role and actions

After a long discussion, everyone agreed that as long as the teenagers are living with their parents, they have to abide by the rules set out by the parents. The parents can let go, i.e. give more freedom once the teenagers show that they are responsible and can be trusted. This is expected to be a gradual and on-going process.

Another thing the parents need to do is talk openly to their teenagers about their expectations. Parents are there to give advice, emotional support, guidance, unconditional love, share their wisdom, etc. with their teenagers. Their teenagers will surely encounter problems relating to school, friendship, personal development, romantic relationship, etc. The parents must tell their teenagers what is expected of them as mentioned earlier regarding the parent’s expectations.

The parent’s responsibilities are very heavy and above all, they also need to provide a loving home that gives the teenager safety, structure and protection as they go through the complicated years of adolescence.

If you conducted a survey asking people what are the criteria that makes for a wise and successful parent, you would probably get a varied answer. It is understandable as even child experts have different views in this matter. Hence, you will find in this article all the necessary requisites to make a wise and successful parent.

Read through the list and see whether you meet all the criteria. Don’t worry if you don’t as this gives you the opportunity to improve on your parenting skills.

The wise, good, successful and superb parent fulfills the following criteria:

• Able to provide a nurturing and happy environment for your children to grow (a stable home).

It is a fact that children from a stable home will grow up to be productive and conscientious adults.

• Able to provide the necessities in life (material needs), i.e. food, shelter and clothing.

A certain comfortable level of needs must be met to ensure proper growth and development.

• Able to provide advice, emotional support, guidance and unconditional love among other things.

Children with all their emotional needs being met are conditioned to become better adults. Children who grew up in a loving environment becomes a loving person.

• Able to provide safety, structure and protection.

During the growing-up years, children need to feel protected, safe and secure. They need to feel some solid family structure in their lives that they can depend on as they go through childhood anxieties.

• Able to provide proper rules to introduce discipline and responsibility.

Children need to learn abut rules, about limitations and what is right or wrong. These valuable experiences will teach them to be a discipline and responsible adult. Rules are made to curb them from doing bad things and at the same time, they learn about taking responsibility for their actions.

• Able to provide unlimited opportunities for their children to learn and make mistakes and learn back from those mistakes.

Opportunities should be given or created to improve their social skills, leadership skills, discipline and self-control. Children learn things from the home, the school, their environment and most importantly from their own unique life experiences. The more situation or opportunities they encounter, the more valuable experiences they will gather. It can be good or bad experience. They learn what life is all about and this builds up their character.

• Able to provide opportunities for their children to be who they are and does not force their own expectations on them.

Children need to be allowed to be who they are and feel loved for it. They should not feel pressured to conform to their parent’s expectations.

• Able to provide quality time to be spent with the children, talking and listening and doing things together.

Parents must get close to their children by spending time and doing things together. Parents who spent quality time with their children will form stronger bonds compared to those who don’t.

• Able to provide spiritual and moral guidance.

Children who were brought up with a strong spiritual background and good moral guidance are more likely to grow to be a virtuous person.

• Able to provide encouragement and give praise when necessary.

Your children will face a lot of challenges and disappointments while growing up. As a parent, you can give your support, encouragement and praise at appropriate times. Your children will learn to pick themselves up and move on in adverse situations.

Be a good role model

The above criteria are all essential. However, most importantly do not forget to provide a good example or role model to your children. Research has shown that parents who are responsible and hardworking tend to have children who are responsible and hardworking. Parents who are happy and easy-going tend to have children who are happy and easy-going.

On the flip side, parents who are short-tempered creates an unstable atmosphere at home which rubs off on their children. Parents who lack social skills will not be able to show and teach their children how to interact and relate with other people. Therefore, always keep in mind the influence you have on your children.

The parent’s reward

What is the end result of being a wise, good, successful and superb parent? The parent’s reward is in having children who are responsible, honest, mature, intelligent and dependable and having good emotional (high self-esteem) and social skills development. How many parents long for their children to have all these good qualities? I believe all parents want their children to possess all these good and excellent qualities.

Parents who have worked on their parenting skills and fulfill most of the criteria above shall no doubt have more confidence in their children. As parents, we never went to a parenting school and what we learn is mostly from the school of ‘hard-knocks’, learning from mistakes and experience. In addition, we also pick up things through observation and from our own childhood experience. You should realize that parenting is not an exact science and there is no a one-size-fits all formula for successful parenting.

In summary, my goal as a parent is the same as your goal and that is to provide a conducive growing up environment that enables the child to learn, make mistakes and make the most of herself. From the whole process, I hope that my child grows up to become a responsible mature adult.

Please share your ideas of what makes for a wise, good and successful parent. Your views and comments are most welcome.

photo credit: freeparking