Every household has its own way of dealing with the family finances. Along the way, you may be telling your kids certain money messages that have become a daily habit. The following are four common money messages and the impact each one may have on your children.

#1: Mommy and daddy have to work to buy you things

This message is a common excuse to not spending time with your kids. It is always busy doing this or that to earn money in order to buy toys or clothes, etc. Actually a child will not understand why you are always not around to spend time with her. Your child will understand the message but she will notice that you are always unavailable. The advice here is to make a date with your child or schedule time together as often as possible.

#2: Mommy and daddy cannot afford that

Often, to avoid purchasing something for our child, we like to say we can’t afford it. This may give your child the message that she is greedy. It is good to analyze what we mean when we say it. Does it mean that we can’t afford it ever? Can’t afford it today but affordable in the future? Can afford but we do not want to waste the money? To avoid confusing your child, it is advisable to be specific when you give this message.

#3: Mommy and daddy will buy whatever you want

Some parents do indulge their children and buy things that are not necessary. Hence, the children can end up being spoiled. Later on when you refuse to buy them things, they will not take no for an answer. The damage has been done where the child will grow up thinking that the world owes her a living.

Loving your child does not mean having to meet all of her demands for material things. Teach your child to appreciate what she has and to practice delayed gratification. Avoid going to the store with your child if necessary or to warn her beforehand that you will only buy according to your shopping list.

photo credit: Svadilfari

#4: “So what if your friend has ten Barbie dolls”

After a play date with a certain friend, you are bound to hear this kind of messages. A whole room full of toys. A box full of electronic games. Parents tend to get defensive and start to lecture their kids on the evil of materialism which may cause the children to switch off. Pay attention to what your child really means when she talks or reports to you. She may only be telling you what she saw and that’s all. Always listen first and then give your advice. Your child will then continue to talk to you throughout her growing up years and appreciate your answers or advice.

photo credit: pfala

In my previous article “The Top 10 Criteria to be a Wise & Successful Parent”, I mentioned that some of the criteria are to be able to provide the necessities in life (material needs), i.e. food, shelter and clothing and to provide a stable and comfortable home for your children.

Well in order to be able to fulfill that requirement, the parents have to be financially stable. One way to ensure stability is by controlling your finances, i.e. keeping track of your spending, eliminating your debts and building up your savings. Money that has been spent is gone and debts will take more of your money away due to the interest payments.

Money issues

It is a common fact that married couples with or without children argue about money or finances at one time or another. It is no secret that it is one of the sensitive issues for married couples and one of the top causes for couples to break-up or get a divorce.

As a wise parent, you know that it is your responsibility to ensure that the family’s finances are in good order. However, it is difficult to ensure this if both parents do not openly talk about it, do not want to acknowledge their financial problems or if only one parent is handling the finances or they just do not know where to begin.

Where to start?

If you have no idea where to begin, then I suggest that you watch the TV show “Til Debt Do Us Part”, hosted by a woman named Gail Vaz Oxlade who is a Canadian financial writer. In the show, she works with married couples that are facing financial problems and helps them to get their finances back on-track. She normally starts off by touring the couple’s home to see how well they live. She does a detail check on their actual spending and most of the time, the couples are caught spending way above their income, in other words, living beyond their means. It is not surprising then to see the high debt accumulation.

To help the couples, Gail will give them a few challenges or assignments that address the root cause of their problem. The goal of course is to improve their financial situation. To begin with, the couples are requested to live on a strictly cash budget and to record down all their spending. This is to encourage the couples to keep track of their spending and is aware where their money is going. The cash money is kept in jars allocated for various purposes like food, transportation, entertainment, clothing and gifts. Earlier on, she had confiscated the couple’s credit cards to ensure that there is no more debt accumulation. In one show, she actually freezes the cards in a container of water.

The are weekly challenges to be completed such as the ‘Life Lesson Challenge’, the ‘Budget Booster Challenge‘, the ‘Future Plan Challenge‘ and the ‘Relationship Rescue Challenge’. In one show, the couples are requested to move to a cheaper abode as their financial situation does not allow them to stay at their current home. In another show, the couple is requested to find ways to increase or boost up their income. In the relationship rescue assignment, the couple must work together and communicate with each other to complete the task given. At the end, the important thing for the couple is that they learn about their money mistakes and take control of their finances. Most importantly, they work together as a couple to address their problems and hence in the process become a better parent.

Successful ending

Finally at the end of the show, the couple will be rewarded with $5000 for successfully completing the challenges or assignments, which is used to help them pay down their debts. I have seen couples that only get partial of that amount when they were unsuccessful during the challenges. Overall, the couples would have learned to control their spending, to do budgeting, to have a debt repayment plan in placed and to have a long-term savings plan.

So if you want to be a wise parent and ensure your family’s finances are in order, you might benefit from watching this TV show. You can watch it on Channel 733 on Discovery Home & Health by the satellite TV provider, ASTRO (Malaysia). You may also check out Gail Vaz Oxlade’s website at http://gailvazoxlade.com where she answers questions from the public about money and finances.