Sex is a big issue between married couples. It is an important aspect in a marriage relationship and therefore has to be maintained. Women are particularly concern about it especially right after giving birth. Some of these concerns are brought up below.

#1: When is the right time to have sex?

Women who had a normal vaginal delivery can resume their sex life after the bleeding has stopped. Those who had a Caesarean section or a complicated delivery that requires an episiotomy should refer to their doctor for advice. The woman should be physically and psychologically ready before she resumes her sex life. The time length varies for different women and can be within a few weeks or even up to a year.

#2: Will sex be different after a baby?

There may be some loss of sensation as the vagina was stretched during the delivery. You can tone back the vagina by doing some exercises on the pelvic floor muscles. Your partner generally does not have an issue on this matter as he is more concern about resuming physical intimacy with you.

#3: Is contraception needed immediately?

Contraception is important as soon as you resume sexual intercourse. Women have been known to get pregnant within a month of delivery or while still breastfeeding their babies.

#4: Will my partner see or treat me differently?

This issue needs to be discussed by both partners to prevent any misunderstandings. The right answer will vary for each couple and there should be a mutual agreement at the end.

#5: After giving birth, will the woman’s libido be affected?

There is a possibility that the woman’s libido or sex drive is low. Having a new responsibility and taking time to recover from the birth experience will no doubt affect the woman’s libido. Hence, both partners should work together to maintain the physical intimacy or affection in various ways such as cuddling or massaging each other. The woman’s libido will eventually return but needs to be worked on with the help of the partner.

photo credit: HAMED MASOUMI

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To be a first time mother to a new baby is an exhilarating feeling especially when you hold the baby in your arms for the first time. It is an indescribable feeling, nothing short of a miracle.

Postpartum depression

Right after giving birth to a baby, some mothers may experience postpartum depression or also known as postnatal depression. You will feel sad, weepy and hopeless. Getting the ‘baby blues’ is also common but it is less serious compared to having postpartum depression. The baby blues give the same moody and teary feelings but normally goes away after several weeks. Postpartum depression however can drag for several months and is caused by the changes in your hormone levels. If it is so severe, your doctor may prescribe both counseling and antidepressant medicine.

Life adjustment

First time mothers have to adjust to a totally different life with the coming of a new baby. The sense of responsibility can be overwhelming. A lot of energy will be spent on taking care of the baby and less will be spent on oneself.

The feeling of being tired and not getting enough rest will be ever present. So my advice is to get enough rest and do not refuse any offers of help from your spouse, mother or other family members. To enable you to gain your strength and form back, eat nutritious food. Ensure that you eat a balance food and get a balance nutrition and this is even more important if you are breastfeeding your newborn.

Confinement period

In the Asian culture, it is normal to have a certain confinement period (about one month) right after giving birth to a baby. There will be stringent guidelines to follow on what to do and what to eat. Personally, I did not follow the rules 100% and as long as my mother was not complaining, I did not complaint either. One of the strict rules was not to wash my hair for an entire month which almost at the end of the confinement period looked positively horrendous. I also had to consume chicken soup daily, cooked with lots of ginger and a local rice wine. This was to help me gain my strength quickly.

Coping with a baby

For the first or two months of the baby’s life, you may find it difficult to get your chores done as the baby has not settled down into a predictable routine. Eventually, you can schedule your chores or housework around the baby’s sleep time. Luckily for first time mothers, babies do sleep a lot the first few months of their lives.

When your baby is about three months old, both of you should have settled down and now enjoying each other’s company very much. Now that my own daughter (youngest child) is two years old, I actually missed her baby growing up period. It is amazing how she grew up so fast. Children seem to grow up by leaps and bounds and accomplish so many things within a short period of time. It never ceases to amaze me on their ability to pick up skills like crawling, walking, running and talking. Therefore, watch your baby closely and don’t miss a single precious thing.