The teenage years which are mostly spent in high school will probably be a complicated as well as an exciting time for your teenagers. Whether your teenager will enjoy high school or not will depend a lot on his social skills.

In high school, children will tease, bully and pick-on others. There are also different groups of students such as the popular kids, the nerds, the geeks, etc. Your teen will have to try and fit in somewhere. What can you do to help him if he is facing a difficult time to fit in? What if he is the nerd or geek and unable to find his place? The following are some ideas on how you as a parent can help protect your teen’s self-esteem as he goes through this important period.

#1: Communicate with your teen that whether he is popular or not in school will not make a difference when he moves on and leave school. Assure him that the adult world will be different. Give him examples of successful people like Bill Gates.

#2: Teach your teen to have positive thoughts and to act positively. Tell him about the laws of attraction and to attract good things in life only.

#3: You can constantly remind him of his positive traits or strengths and to focus on them. Remind him of his natural talents as well, for example he may be good in drawing or playing the guitar, etc.

#4: Compliment your teen often. Praise him when he has done something good and praiseworthy. This helps to boost up his self- confidence.

#5: Last but not least, be his confidante by talking to him and lending an ear to his worries or problems. Remind him often that you are available whenever he needs to talk to someone. Share your own personal stories or experiences and solve problems together.

photo credit: ShutterMoth

In an older posting entitled “4 Ways to Teach Your Children Responsibilities“, I suggested that one way to teach your children responsibility is by giving them chores. The following is a list of ‘age-appropriate’ chores, tasks or activities suitable for your children.

2 – 3 years
• Picking up their toys and putting them away
• Get or fetch things when requested or asked
• Throw things into the rubbish bin
• Put their clothes in the hamper for washing

3-4 years
• Do all of the above
• Clear away the plates or dishes from the table
• Put away laundered clothes
• Help in setting the table

photo credit: kevygee

4 – 5 years
• Do all of the above
• Help to put in the laundry for washing
• Make their bed themselves
• Can fold laundered clothes
• Help in putting away the groceries
• Water the plants

photo credit: riot jane

5 – 6 years
• Do all of the above
• Feed the pets
• Help in meal preparation, for example washing the vegetables
• Help clean the pet’s cage or area

photo credit: WonderRob™

6 – 7 years
• Do all of the above
• Sweep the floor
• Help with gardening/ yard work
• Help prepare and pack their lunch (e.g. sandwiches or fruits)

photo credit: metatron1

The other advantages of allowing your children to practice the tasks are they develop their independence and self-esteem. According to the Montessori’s teaching, a child’s mind is very ‘absorbent’ from birth through age six. During this period, the natural ability to learn languages and to develop brain activity patterns are at the peak or most receptive.

Moreover, every wise parent would want to encourage their children to develop independence fast through self-care activities and through completing household chores.

Parents are expected to praise their children often. Praising someone means giving positive judgments to that person. When you praise your child, it reinforces his satisfaction about what he has done or his behavior. Praising him does not raise his low self-esteem.

How and when to give praise?

It is best to limit and give praise when the situation or occasion is right. Therefore, it will be more meaningful for the child. The praise must be warranted and truthful. When it is done so freely, the value of the praise is diminished and your credibility goes down,

It is also recommended to give praise as reinforcement of the child’s feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. When the child is feeling good about himself, the praise given to him will be more effective and carry more weight.

Timing the praise is also important. When the child feels good and is given praise, it shows that you are in tune to his feelings. Your child will trust your judgment more because it relates to their own personal one. This will help when you give criticism as your child will believe your judgment. Hence, it helps to maintain the trust and communication between you and your child.

When you give praise, your children know that you are paying attention, watching them and showing that you care. So, give praise to your child when he deserves it and expects one from you. You are reinforcing your role as a wise and good parent. Be selective however to the number of times as overdoing it may diminish the value of the praise.

photo credit: hlkljgk

People are getting laid off or being retrenched all over the world. This is also happening in Malaysia, the country where I live. As parents and if you have a family to support, it is a serious thing to happen. There are several cases or scenarios why the organization is laying off workers such as:

• The entire organization is closing down
• The organization is streamlining or restructuring
• Less priority positions may be cut off first
• The new staffs may be let go first

Should you feel ashamed or embarrassed for being laid off? You may have these feelings on top of feeling depressed. People who are retrenched also go through different emotional phases like the following:

• Denial
Some people may find it hard to believe at first that the situation is real and their mind goes blank refusing to dwell on the actual fact.

• Confusion
Feeling confused may happen after the denial stage. The person may be wondering why this is happening and may feel hurt and angry at the same time. They may also think that the organization made a terrible mistake of retrenching them in the first place.

• Letting go and coping
Letting go means finally accepting the real situation and ready to move forward. A person may start to thing about future plans and dwell less on the past job or life. Although he may not know what lies ahead, he may be feeling more optimistic and have confidence about the future.

These people can also expect to have low self-esteem for a while. On top of that, there is also a lot of self-blame for the whole situation.

In addition to the emotional stress described above, the affected person may also experience physical symptoms. It is not uncommon to have the following physical symptoms:

• Loss of appetite or having indigestion
• Sleeplessness
• Feeling extremely tired
• Loss of sexual feelings

Knowing all of the above does not help much with the bad situation. It does however help in accepting and coming to terms with what is happening. People who are unexpectedly laid off will experience all or some of the above. Hence if you are one of them, accept what you are going through as a natural part of the whole process.

Do you know someone who is facing the above situation? Understanding what the person is going through may enable you to help him.

If you have an experience to share about this subject, please feel free to leave some comments below.

Recognizing that you have low parental self-esteem is important as this will encourage you to make changes or improvements. Parents who have low self-esteem will influence their children to be the same. Therefore, it is important to improve or raise your self-esteem in order for your children to follow suit.

What are the signs of low parental self-esteem?

Read through the list below and if you notice that they are common experience for you much of the time, then you most probably have low parental self-esteem.

• Most of the time, you are unable to complete your parental responsibilities. You lack the enthusiasm to complete or get them done.
• When you are at home, you feel depress and have lack of energy.
• You like to keep things simple and avoid activities involving the entire family in order to evade any hassles.
• You feel that other people are unable to do things properly. You tend to do things that you wish others would do.
• You feel that your children are controlling your life.
• A lot of times, you feel inadequate and not capable of handling your children.
• You always hold the thought that other people are doing a better parenting job compared to you.
• You always have the urge to get away from your family responsibilities.
• You often have the urge to be in control of your children as you are afraid they would get out of control.
• You find it difficult to discuss with your spouse about issues concerning the children as both of you tend to disagree. So, both of you avoid the discussion.

What can you do to raise your parental self-esteem?

Different people will find different ways that work for them depending on their background and situation. The idea is to find ways to obtain satisfaction from your parenting job and family life. Wise parents would go the extra mile and put more effort to reach this goal. Below are some ideas that may work for you.

• Make the effort to have time alone with your spouse or partner every week away from the rest of the family.
• Make it a ritual to spend time alone with each of your children, one-on-one.
• Start or practice family traditions to bring family members closer together and to create good memories.
• Practice to say “No” especially to your children if they are unreasonably demanding.
• Make the effort to have time for yourself to do as you like. If you love music, get your own personal music player.
• Maintain your friendship and have social gatherings with your close friends.
• Have a better planning to ensure all your tasks are completed. With better planning, there is less chance of interference or postponements.
• Make a pact with yourself not to lose your temper or shout for one day in a week.
• Once in awhile, make a list of the things that you are most grateful for in your life.

Your goal is to be a wise parent with high self-esteem. When you have achieve this level or condition, you will gain immense satisfaction and happiness from your family life. You will be calmer, more in control of your life, have more patience with your children, and have a better sense of humor, among other things.

Becoming good parents to your children is not easy. Most of the time we use methods that we learn from our own parents when we were young. We also apply knowledge that we pick up along the way or have read somewhere. Nobody said it was easy and most often than not, we learn through the whole parenting experience of what method works and does not work.

Ultimately though, parents have similar goals in what they expect from their children through their parenting skills. Parents hope for among other things, to have children who know responsibility, respect and compassion. Parents want their children to grow up to have good self-esteem about themselves, to be self-reliant, to be a good and helpful person, etc.

My own helpful tips for parents are:
1. Teach them to fish
2. Be a good role model
3. Respect your children

Teach them to fish

Teach your children about the idea of doing things by themselves to achieve or complete a task. Parents tend to complete a task or bow in to their children’s demands. If the parents do everything for their children, the children will come to expect this in every situation. Once your child has reached pre-school age (3 – 4 years old), they are old enough to understand instructions or requests. You can request them to do simple chores or tasks like putting back or arranging their toys, books, shoes, clothing, etc.

These will teach your children about responsibilities and being proud of themselves for being able to do something that the adults normally do. It will be easier for them as they grow up to accept more and more of life’s responsibilities.

Be a good role model

The person closest to the children is the parents. So be a good role model for them. Act the person that you would want them to be when they grow up. You may face some slip-ups from time to time but most of the time, play a good role and show a good example. From personal experience, it is a hard thing to do sometimes. We sometimes get home from work bringing all our problems and are certainly not in a good mind-frame to handle or listen to the children’s problem. Just remember that we are the parents and the children naturally turn to us to help them, to advice them or just to listen to them.

Respect your children

Children are very smart and catch-on very fast. They learn and pick-up a lot of things during their growing years. Starting at a young age, they start to show their individual, unique personality.

As parents we should give them room to grow, to make mistakes and not to expect perfection from them. Your expectations must be reasonable and agreeable to them. To expect more than they could give will put on unnecessary pressure on them and it will make them miserable and become rebellious.

Simply put, be flexible and constantly get their feedbacks. Become their friends or best buddies and they will always hold you in good regards.

The above are my tips to assist you in your parenting journey. You may have your own methods or tips to guide you in becoming successful parents but there is no harm to give mine a try.