The teenage years which are mostly spent in high school will probably be a complicated as well as an exciting time for your teenager. Whether your teenager will enjoy high school or not will depend a lot on his social skills. An important part of having good social skills is in managing anger. Learning to manage anger is best learned from young at home. There may be various reasons for your child’s show of anger such as when not getting what he wants or not getting his way or feeling disappointed about something.

As a parent, it is beneficial for you to learn how to deal with your child’s display of anger. First, understand if he is showing unreasonable or inappropriate behavior. For example, a child who is tired or who did not get enough sleep will be more prone to this behavior.

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Teach your child to manage his anger by outlining some simple rules of control such as:

• Counting to ten slowly before talking again
• Taking deep breaths to calm himself
• To speak out in a soft voice instead of shouting
• To speak politely and not to say bad or hurtful things
• Not to hit out to hurt others or himself
• Find alternative ways to vent his anger like punching a pillow, running in the garden, etc.

Of course, you as the parent should be a good role model for your child. I know this is not easy sometimes. I have to admit that there have been times when I lost my temper and said a lot of negative words to my own kids.

Hence, you may want to adopt some strategies or ways that work positively. For example,

• Always speaking in a soft voice
• Always mean what you say
• Using time-out to get some reprieve from an explosive situation

You can adopt some or all of the ideas above. Both parents and child will benefit greatly from them especially in the long run.

Parents feel proud when their children display good manners especially outside of the home. A good time to start is during the toddler stage. They learn best with lots of encouragement, reminders and praises.

The 10 basic social skills are:

#1: Teaching her to say “Please” and “Thank you”
This is something you can teach her when she is just learning to speak. Later on, it becomes a normal habit to say please and thank you.

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#2: Teaching her to share with others
This may be hard for her to understand at first but you can start the idea with food sharing, for example. During meal times, everyone shares the food prepared on the table. Gradually introduce the idea of sharing to other things like her toys or books.

#3: Teaching her to say sorry
When you teach your child to say sorry, make sure she acknowledges her fault first. If possible, never force your child to say sorry. If she is upset, give her time to calm down and apologize later.

#4: Teaching her table manners
Start with simple table manners first like not speaking with her mouth full or playing with the food.

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#5: Teaching her to wait
Children are normally impatient by nature and wants to get their way most of the time. Teaching them early about the idea of waiting will make it easier as they get older.

As I write this article, I realize that one of my favorite phrases to my children is,” Wait first, while I finished this task.” So, they learn to wait for a few minutes.

#6: Teaching her to speak softly
At home, your child may speak loudly and happily. But outside, in public places like the library, church or doctor’s office, your child has to learn to speak softly.

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#7: Teaching her not to interrupt
Children tend to interrupt when you are occupied with something like talking on the phone or cooking. Teach them to wait for a few minutes and not to interrupt when you are in the middle of something.

#8: Teaching her to consider other people’s feelings
This task will need a lot of practice. Your first step can be making your child aware about her own emotions when she is angry or upset. Later, you can relate or recall back her feelings and how other people can feel the same way too. You can explain to her that her actions or words can affect the people around her.

#9: Teaching her not to be aggressive
This task will get easier as she gets older. Whenever she behaves badly and hurts another child, reprimand her and if possible, get her to apologize to the other child.

#10: Teaching her that life does not revolve around her
Your child may be used to the idea of being the center of attention at home. However when she is outside the home, she may find it difficult to understand why she is not given the same priority. She may wonder why she does not get special treatment at another child’s birthday party, for example. In this case, distract her first and later give her an explanation.

If you conducted a survey asking people what are the criteria that makes for a wise and successful parent, you would probably get a varied answer. It is understandable as even child experts have different views in this matter. Hence, you will find in this article all the necessary requisites to make a wise and successful parent.

Read through the list and see whether you meet all the criteria. Don’t worry if you don’t as this gives you the opportunity to improve on your parenting skills.

The wise, good, successful and superb parent fulfills the following criteria:

• Able to provide a nurturing and happy environment for your children to grow (a stable home).

It is a fact that children from a stable home will grow up to be productive and conscientious adults.

• Able to provide the necessities in life (material needs), i.e. food, shelter and clothing.

A certain comfortable level of needs must be met to ensure proper growth and development.

• Able to provide advice, emotional support, guidance and unconditional love among other things.

Children with all their emotional needs being met are conditioned to become better adults. Children who grew up in a loving environment becomes a loving person.

• Able to provide safety, structure and protection.

During the growing-up years, children need to feel protected, safe and secure. They need to feel some solid family structure in their lives that they can depend on as they go through childhood anxieties.

• Able to provide proper rules to introduce discipline and responsibility.

Children need to learn abut rules, about limitations and what is right or wrong. These valuable experiences will teach them to be a discipline and responsible adult. Rules are made to curb them from doing bad things and at the same time, they learn about taking responsibility for their actions.

• Able to provide unlimited opportunities for their children to learn and make mistakes and learn back from those mistakes.

Opportunities should be given or created to improve their social skills, leadership skills, discipline and self-control. Children learn things from the home, the school, their environment and most importantly from their own unique life experiences. The more situation or opportunities they encounter, the more valuable experiences they will gather. It can be good or bad experience. They learn what life is all about and this builds up their character.

• Able to provide opportunities for their children to be who they are and does not force their own expectations on them.

Children need to be allowed to be who they are and feel loved for it. They should not feel pressured to conform to their parent’s expectations.

• Able to provide quality time to be spent with the children, talking and listening and doing things together.

Parents must get close to their children by spending time and doing things together. Parents who spent quality time with their children will form stronger bonds compared to those who don’t.

• Able to provide spiritual and moral guidance.

Children who were brought up with a strong spiritual background and good moral guidance are more likely to grow to be a virtuous person.

• Able to provide encouragement and give praise when necessary.

Your children will face a lot of challenges and disappointments while growing up. As a parent, you can give your support, encouragement and praise at appropriate times. Your children will learn to pick themselves up and move on in adverse situations.

Be a good role model

The above criteria are all essential. However, most importantly do not forget to provide a good example or role model to your children. Research has shown that parents who are responsible and hardworking tend to have children who are responsible and hardworking. Parents who are happy and easy-going tend to have children who are happy and easy-going.

On the flip side, parents who are short-tempered creates an unstable atmosphere at home which rubs off on their children. Parents who lack social skills will not be able to show and teach their children how to interact and relate with other people. Therefore, always keep in mind the influence you have on your children.

The parent’s reward

What is the end result of being a wise, good, successful and superb parent? The parent’s reward is in having children who are responsible, honest, mature, intelligent and dependable and having good emotional (high self-esteem) and social skills development. How many parents long for their children to have all these good qualities? I believe all parents want their children to possess all these good and excellent qualities.

Parents who have worked on their parenting skills and fulfill most of the criteria above shall no doubt have more confidence in their children. As parents, we never went to a parenting school and what we learn is mostly from the school of ‘hard-knocks’, learning from mistakes and experience. In addition, we also pick up things through observation and from our own childhood experience. You should realize that parenting is not an exact science and there is no a one-size-fits all formula for successful parenting.

In summary, my goal as a parent is the same as your goal and that is to provide a conducive growing up environment that enables the child to learn, make mistakes and make the most of herself. From the whole process, I hope that my child grows up to become a responsible mature adult.

Please share your ideas of what makes for a wise, good and successful parent. Your views and comments are most welcome.

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It is not unusual if you find that your child has a problem making friends. You may suddenly notice that your child keeps to himself and does not communicate with other kids. Believe it or not, this is a typical childhood experience.

Having problems making friends may lead to your child being ridiculed, rejected or ignored by his peers. He will feel lonely, isolated and friendless. A child having a social problem like this may face difficulties upon reaching adulthood. As an adult, he may face problems such as getting along with his colleagues, his superiors, finding a spouse, etc.

The following are recommended suggestions on your role as a parent to help your child to overcome his social problems.

• Create opportunities for your child to interact or play with other kids. Examples are by going on picnics with other families or friends, going to the park, to church activities or on play dates. Encourage him to participate in school clubs or activities. Your child may be having problems making friends in school but not outside. The goal is to give your child plenty of opportunities to practice socializing.

• Collaborate with his teacher. Besides the parents, the teacher would be the next person who can help in this situation. The teacher can give a clearer picture to the problem your child is facing in school and may play an important role to assist him.

• Become your child’s best friend. Your child still lacks maturity and may see a harmless or innocuous situation in a negative or bad way. For example, he may jump into his own conclusion that there must be something wrong with him when he is not invited to a friend’s party. Another example is if a kid is mean to him in school, he will make the same wrong assumption. Your role is to listen, empathize, see his point of view, give your views, impart your knowledge and wisdom and give your support.

• Be patient and do not rush your child. Realize that teaching and guiding your child to solve his problem is an ongoing gradual process. In the end, the outcome is more significant as a result of long practice and repetition.

• Lay emphasis on kindness. Teach your child all about being kind to himself, his parents, his siblings and also to his friends or peers. Knowing and practicing kindness indirectly will help your child to get along with others. Through an act of kindness, a friendship bond is formed and through many acts of kindness, the bond becomes stronger. It is about respecting, helping and caring for one another.

• Understand your child. What is his personality or character? Is he an introvert or pessimist? Does he possess leadership qualities, a short temper or is he a sensitive person? Understanding your child will help you to see his problem clearly. Hence, you can help and advice him more effectively.

If you notice that your child is persistently having problems that are seriously affecting his social interaction, get him checked for Asperger’s syndrome. Children with Asperger’s syndrome have a social learning disability and have trouble relating to other people and understanding other people’s feelings or emotions.

To increase your knowledge on social skills, you can grab helpful books like the examples below from the local library:

1. Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children by Michael Thompson and Catherine O. Grace.
2. Helping the Child Who Doesn’t Fit In by Stephen Nowicki Jr. and Marshall P. Duke.
3. How to Raise a Child with a High EQ: A Parent’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Lawrence E. Shapiro.

Check out the All About Parenting Blog, for more information on the interesting subject of “Friends“.