When you and your partner embark on your role as new parents, there are bound to be some frictions. It is not uncommon to encounter disagreements over a wide range of issues like who will be responsible for changing the nappies to what brand of milk formula to buy for the baby. However, there are 5 issues all parents are known to fight over.
The 5 common rows are:
Issue #1: Whose turn is it?
Quite often, the stay at home parent may feel that the other partner who is out working is not putting in enough effort in parenting. The working parent however may feel that it is impossible to do more when he is out to work most of the time.
Advice: Both partners must be understanding and come to a compromise. The responsibilities can be flexible and negotiable. One partner does not have to be responsible for doing a particular chore or task. For example, one partner may offer to cook while the other one feeds the baby. It could be vice-versa on other days.
Issue #2: Who knows best?
Each parent may think that he or she knows what is best for the child. One parent may get to spend more time with the child and hence knows more about the child’s preferences or needs making the other parent feel left out. The differences in background, upbringing and education may also cause different views or opinions in parenting.
Advice: Both of you know best and have a common goal of wanting what is good for your child. Hence, it is important to come to a mutual decision. Share information and discuss your views and respect each other’s opinions.
Issue #3: Who works harder?
One parent stays at home and does all the tedious work of taking care of the baby and household chores like cleaning and cooking. The other parent has to go out and face the daily office work grind and the long commute between the house and the office. Each of you may be feeling that the other partner is having an easier life.
Advice: Both of you must understand that parenting is the responsibility of two people. Each one is playing a different role towards a common goal. Therefore, it is not a competition. Plan to have time alone with each other at least once a week or every fortnightly. For example, going to the movies or out to dinner.
Issue # 4: Who gets up in the middle of the night?
This is an old and persistent argument. Generally, the mom has to get up a few times a night especially if she is breastfeeding. The other partner does not think he is needed since it is a mom’s job to feed the baby and do other things at the same time.
Advice: The going can get very tough if the baby does not sleep well during the night especially during the first few months and both parents will end up being very tired. The mom should sleep during the day when the baby sleeps to gain back her strength. The dad should help in other ways like changing the nappies or preparing the feed bottle. He should also help to soothe the baby during the night if the partner has not had any rest yet. The idea is to work as a team.
Issue #5: There is no sex life anymore.
More often than not, the male partner misses the sex life more than the other partner. The female partner will often be too tired, as most energy would be spent taking care of the baby and other household responsibilities.
Advice: Plan ahead to have intimate moments with each other. The male partner should not assume that the female partner is ready for sex anytime he wants it. If you have not made plans earlier, the baby or child will normally turn out to be the first priority and you will discover that there is no time for other important things.
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photo credit: foundphotoslj
I am one of those women who would love to stay home with the children. Building a career and climbing the corporate ladder lost its appeal when I had my first child. However, as much as I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I have to postpone my decision due to various reasons.
The main and critical reason is that my partner and I are unable to support the family on one income only. Although we lead a pretty frugal life, one income is still not enough to support the family’s monthly expenses.
We decided that it would jeopardize our future financial stability if I were to stop working at my current job unless there are other sources of income to replace the lost one.
For other parents, their reasons may be one or more of the following:
• They want to safeguard their careers and do not want to jeopardize their career prospects. For a lot of people, they have worked hard to build up their careers and letting it go is not easy.
• They are afraid that being a stay-at-home parent may result in boredom or loneliness. Yes, it does happen as I have heard this complaint from friends who opted to stay at home with their kids. In addition, feelings of low self-esteem may arise due to the lost career status.
• They hold a belief that they will be unhappy staying home and prefer to go out to work.
• They like the rewards of going out to work and the perks that often come with the job. In addition, they want to be able to socialize and apply their talents or skills.
• They believe that their children will benefit from going out and mixing with other children. In other words, their kids will improve their social and development skills as well as their communication skills outside of the home.
If you have faced a similar situation before, what was the deciding factor in helping you to make your decision?
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photo credit: paper or plastic?
Are you looking for a job or employment or just a great moneymaking opportunity? Your reason could be any of the following:
- You have been laid off or retrenched and currently unemployed
- You are a stay-at-home parent and wish to find a part time or full time job to supplement the household income
- You have a job but you wish to find other sources of income (create multiple streams of income)
- You are a recent graduate and you want to do something while searching for a suitable job
- You are a graduate but find it difficult to find employment and hence you plan to start something on your own
- You hate your current job and wish to look for an alternative work
Whatever your reason is, finding a job in this current economic downturn may not be easy. Being jobless when you need the income is no laughing matter. This is where the list of suggestions below may be helpful to you. The ideas below will give you a wide range of choices to choose from. The hardest part could be deciding which job; task or activity suits you and fits into your family life.
I am unable to give a detail description for each of them in this post, as it would take pages and pages to cover all of them. For subscribers of the WParent blog newsletter,I will provide the job description for free upon request. You may send me a message requesting for the job description at jacquelyn@wparent.com. Please select any 3 of the moneymaking ideas below that you are interested in and I will give a reply soonest. However, I will not entertain request from non-subscribers, as you have to be a subscriber to request for the information.
• Offer services:
Babysitting, childcare, companion to the elderly, house-sitting, pet sitting, personal shopper (e.g. clothes, groceries), new parent helper (this is common in Malaysia), house cleaning, office cleaning, window washing, laundry service, carpet cleaning, car washing, rubbish removal, driving services, moving services, sewing services (e.g. curtains, clothing), cooking services (e.g. for working people, the elderly), grass cutting/gardening (tree or shrub pruning), house painting, catering, baking, handy person/handy man (e.g. repair, maintenance), computer services (e.g. computer repair, maintenance, website design), tour guide, newspaper delivery
• Teaching:
Art teacher, music teacher, dance teacher, academic tutoring, cooking teacher, carpentry teacher, sewing teacher, self-defense teacher, sports teacher (e.g. soccer, football, swimming, tennis), crafts teacher (e.g. candle making, soap making, basket weaving), fitness trainer, cake making or decorating
photo credit: bald_eagle89
• Small businesses (stand/cart/kiosk):
Vending machine, food stand, ice-cream stand, cake stand, snack or fruit stand, hot dog cart, popcorn or candy stand, handicrafts stand, T-shirt stand, toy stand, jewelry stand, book stand, secondhand stuffs stand, party organizer, photography, writing (e.g. ebook, books, articles), eBay business or other internet business (e.g. blog, website,internet marketing, MLM, affiliate programs)
Successful people duplicate their business ideas and expand them. Eventually, they offer the same business opportunity to other people through franchising. The above are some of the ideas that you can look into. I am sure you can come up with more ideas of your own. Please add your ideas below if you do not mind to share them here.
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One of the biggest and important considerations when a parent decides to stay at home is regarding finance. Is one income enough to support the whole family? Are there any other sources of income or passive income besides the salary from one working parent. What about money for the future like the kids’ education and also for retirement?
With all these financial concerns, it is not surprising that a stay-at-home parent eventually returns to the workforce after a certain period. To make preparations for the switch to a one-income household, below are some suggestions to help you in making the transition:
• Make a budget base on the one income that covers your expenses. The entire family may have to make sacrifices, for instance no cable TV or less dining out, in order for the budget to work.
• Before you even make the switch, learn or practice to live on one income for a few months.
• Put away or reserve more money in your emergency fund as a safety net.
• Ensure that you and your partner have sufficient insurance coverage especially the income-earner.
• Settle outstanding debts as soon as possible and stop accumulating new ones.
• When the family has successfully learn to live on one income, only then take the plunge. If not, hold off your plans until the problem is solved.
One of the biggest mistakes a family can make is to use their credit cards or home equity loan or refinancing loan to live on to replace the lost income. This family will end up being in debt.
An important word of advice is that both partners must mutually agree on the idea for one parent to stay at home. It takes the work of two people to make the idea successful and to avoid finger-pointing on one partner in the future when problem arises.
Have you faced the above situation before? What is your advice to couples who wish to make the move?
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photo credit: lepiaf.geo
Not every parent wants to stay home and commit to doing fulltime childcare and housekeeping. It can be a tough, tedious and lonely work. I have heard parents’ complaint that they feel lonely with no adults to talk to. In addition, there are no perks that come with the parenting job.
The following are some of the common reasons to be a stay-at-home mom or dad:
- They want to be available to their children fulltime.
- They find it hard to accept the idea of sending their children to childcare or daycare centers. Generally, they doubt the quality provided by these centers.
- They do not want to miss any part of the children’s growing-up period.
- They want to ensure that their children get the best attention, guidance and care which only parents can provide.
- They want to avoid the hassles and pressure of juggling between family responsibilities and job responsibilities.
- They want to be able to nurse their babies fulltime.
- They do not believe in gender stereotyping. For example, the male partner should go out to work and be the breadwinner and the female partner should be a stay-at-home mom only.
A parent gets peace of mind and feel emotionally comforted knowing the child is well taken care off at home. There are also the rewards that come with being home with the child. For example, the parent does not miss the precious milestones during the growing up years like the first steps taken or the first time the child learns to do something.
Are you a stay-at-home parent? What are your motivations for being one?
Post from: WParent.com - Wise Parenting Guide