The teenage years which are mostly spent in high school will probably be a complicated as well as an exciting time for your teenager. Whether your teenager will enjoy high school or not will depend a lot on his social skills. An important part of having good social skills is in managing anger. Learning to manage anger is best learned from young at home. There may be various reasons for your child’s show of anger such as when not getting what he wants or not getting his way or feeling disappointed about something.

As a parent, it is beneficial for you to learn how to deal with your child’s display of anger. First, understand if he is showing unreasonable or inappropriate behavior. For example, a child who is tired or who did not get enough sleep will be more prone to this behavior.

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Teach your child to manage his anger by outlining some simple rules of control such as:

• Counting to ten slowly before talking again
• Taking deep breaths to calm himself
• To speak out in a soft voice instead of shouting
• To speak politely and not to say bad or hurtful things
• Not to hit out to hurt others or himself
• Find alternative ways to vent his anger like punching a pillow, running in the garden, etc.

Of course, you as the parent should be a good role model for your child. I know this is not easy sometimes. I have to admit that there have been times when I lost my temper and said a lot of negative words to my own kids.

Hence, you may want to adopt some strategies or ways that work positively. For example,

• Always speaking in a soft voice
• Always mean what you say
• Using time-out to get some reprieve from an explosive situation

You can adopt some or all of the ideas above. Both parents and child will benefit greatly from them especially in the long run.

Teenagers are old enough to understand about money better compared to when they were younger. However, it would be too much to expect them to understand the entire workings of the family’s finances.

What to tell your teen?

Generally if the family’s finances are stable and under control, it is fine to tell your teenager that the family is comfortable enough without worrying about the next pay-check.

However, if the money situation is shaky and the future does not look bright, it is appropriate to tell your teen about the bad situation. For 12 years old and below, it is better not to say you have problems paying the bills as this may worry them excessively and have them feeling insecure.

For older teens of 13 years old and above, it is acceptable to tell them about the bad financial situation and the steps you are taking to solve the problem or find ways to improve the situation. You can also ask for your teen’s opinion on how to help you with the finances.

Older teens should be required to take some responsibility for certain money issues. For example, if your teen wants to buy something which exceeds his allowance, he should be encouraged to earn the extra money instead of just getting the money freely from you. If he has some savings, then he should use his savings to top up the balance.

If you discovered that your teen has been spending way too much of his allowance at the shopping mall, what do you do?

If you want your teen to learn the consequences of unnecessary spending, then you should not intervene. Let him discover the results of not saving part of his money. At the same time, he will learn the importance of saving for the future.

photo credit: AH!Photography

The teenage years which are mostly spent in high school will probably be a complicated as well as an exciting time for your teenagers. Whether your teenager will enjoy high school or not will depend a lot on his social skills.

In high school, children will tease, bully and pick-on others. There are also different groups of students such as the popular kids, the nerds, the geeks, etc. Your teen will have to try and fit in somewhere. What can you do to help him if he is facing a difficult time to fit in? What if he is the nerd or geek and unable to find his place? The following are some ideas on how you as a parent can help protect your teen’s self-esteem as he goes through this important period.

#1: Communicate with your teen that whether he is popular or not in school will not make a difference when he moves on and leave school. Assure him that the adult world will be different. Give him examples of successful people like Bill Gates.

#2: Teach your teen to have positive thoughts and to act positively. Tell him about the laws of attraction and to attract good things in life only.

#3: You can constantly remind him of his positive traits or strengths and to focus on them. Remind him of his natural talents as well, for example he may be good in drawing or playing the guitar, etc.

#4: Compliment your teen often. Praise him when he has done something good and praiseworthy. This helps to boost up his self- confidence.

#5: Last but not least, be his confidante by talking to him and lending an ear to his worries or problems. Remind him often that you are available whenever he needs to talk to someone. Share your own personal stories or experiences and solve problems together.

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I came across an article that warns of the things we should not say to our teenagers due to the negative consequences. My kids have not reached their teens yet but they are growing up fast and will soon cross that line.

Check to see whether you are guilty of saying any of the following to your teenage son or daughter.

#1: Comparison with another person

E.g. “Why can’t you be like your cousin who excels in school?”
A parent’s job is to give support regardless of how another person is doing. Your teen will learn that his parent’s love is not dependent or conditional on his test results. As a result, he may well turn out to be confident and determine to accomplish something.

#2: Negative labeling

E.g. “You are a lazy person!”
When you negatively label your child, be careful that he does not believe what you say. Your teen will continue to develop throughout his teenage years and will have specific interest. He may be facing a problem with his studies if he is lazy with his school work. Find out the root cause for his laziness and give advice or a solution. Focus on finding the reason behind a problem instead of labeling your teen negatively.

#3: Giving loose warnings or baseless warnings

E.g. “You will never graduate or get a degree if you keep behaving like this.”
Wanting to motivate their children, parents like to say things like the above. Projecting a bleak outcome or future means you may be overlooking his talents or ability. As mentioned earlier, your teenager will continue to learn and have different interest.

The important thing is for your teen to have a good attitude which matters more than his grades. Your teen’s sense of self is not related to his grades and failing a subject does not make him a failure.

#4: Threatening with material things

E.g. “I won’t buy you that new cell phone if you fail your exams.”
Saying the above only shows that you are just focusing on the grades rather than placing overall importance on education. Be careful that your teen will only perform when there is a material incentive rather than because he wants to personally succeed in his studies.

Lastly, remember that over supporting your teen can never be wrong and can serve to motivate your teen instead.

photo credit: Lori Greig

With the advent of cell phones and the internet, communication has gone to a higher level. However, there are problems that come with it when not used properly. One of the problems is “sexting”.

What is sexting?

Sexting is the sending of provocative images or pictures over the cell phones. Teenagers are the ones who are in danger of falling into this trap. Technology provides an easy way for teenagers or youths to experiment with matters that are sexual in nature.

photo credit: AH!Photography

What is the danger?

When children are not taught to use the cell phone or internet properly, they become victims to sexting or sexual predators respectively. Teenagers are especially in danger of being targeted by sexual predators. The flip side of the internet is that sexual predators can prey on not only teenagers but also young children.

Predators disguised themselves as another person, even as a young person to get close to the victim. Once the predators have gained the trust of the victim, a meeting is arranged that is actually a sexual encounter. It is not uncommon to hear of victims stripping in front of their personal webcams to receive gifts or incentives from the predators. It is worrying that even minors are trading or exchanging nude photos among themselves and think nothing of it.

The parent’s role

Parents need to get more involved in their children’s lives. They need to examine their relationship with their children. Strive to build strong bonds with your children and especially teenagers. Build a strong support system so that your children will turn to you about their problems or issues that are sexual in nature.

Teach the children about proper boundaries and what they can share with their friends. Teach them that the sharing of nude pictures with their girlfriends or boyfriends is wrong. Let them have a strong self-worth so that they are not easily coerced into doing something that is not proper or wrong. In addition, inform them about the consequences of their actions rather then just telling them what not to do.

Parents need to start the above when their children start to use the internet or have their own cell phones. Prevention is always better than cure as the consequences are always much harder to deal with later when a problem has occurred.

photo credit: torres21

If you are like me, I would prefer to go back being a teenager then being a parent now. Although when I was in my teenage years, I wanted to be an adult as soon as possible. I thought being an adult was more fun, had more freedom, less worries and of course more money to spend.

I would readily admit now that being an adult or parent is no piece of cake. My children are all still below 10 years of age but I can’t help noticing my other friends who got married earlier and are now faced with raising teenagers.

The parent’s complaints

Some of the common complaints I hear are:
• The are lazy and irresponsible
• They are not concern about their school work and grades
• They are not open about the things they do outside the home
• They like to keep to themselves and to keep a distance from loved ones
• They can be self-centered or self-absorbed
• They quietly do things (e.g. drink) without the parent’s knowledge

The parent’s expectations are to have their teens be more respectful, mature and responsible. What seems very obvious to me is that the parents are worried that they are losing control over their teenagers. On the other hand, the teenagers are trying to get more freedom and assert their independence.

However, when the parents are queried on what actions they have taken to address this problem, they just shrug and say it is a phase that their teenagers are going through. The parents are being patient and hope it gets better once the teenagers have moved on leaving the difficult phase behind.

Parent’s role and actions

After a long discussion, everyone agreed that as long as the teenagers are living with their parents, they have to abide by the rules set out by the parents. The parents can let go, i.e. give more freedom once the teenagers show that they are responsible and can be trusted. This is expected to be a gradual and on-going process.

Another thing the parents need to do is talk openly to their teenagers about their expectations. Parents are there to give advice, emotional support, guidance, unconditional love, share their wisdom, etc. with their teenagers. Their teenagers will surely encounter problems relating to school, friendship, personal development, romantic relationship, etc. The parents must tell their teenagers what is expected of them as mentioned earlier regarding the parent’s expectations.

The parent’s responsibilities are very heavy and above all, they also need to provide a loving home that gives the teenager safety, structure and protection as they go through the complicated years of adolescence.