Generally, parents want their children to have a happy and enjoyable childhood. Sometimes this translates to wanting their children to have good fun and less workload. These parents normally hold the belief that the harsh world of heavy responsibility will soon catch up on their children.

Having and practicing this kind of belief may cause your children to have less practice on taking responsibility for their own life. Wise parents on the other hand would do less for their children, giving their children the opportunity to learn important things on responsibility, resourcefulness and competency.

Wise parents will help their children in areas where they are not competent yet like preparing their food (cooking) but should let their children do their own work. If your child request for your help, it should be helping him to use his own means to help himself. Children learn best by doing things for themselves. When parents are being overly helpful, it hampers these useful learning experiences that their children require.

When children learn to do things for themselves, they gain self-confidence in the process. This is important as they need to feel self-confident knowing they have control over their own lives.

Children who are not given the opportunity to learn through trial and error and a make mistakes may doubt their ability to solve problems later on. Their parents may have always performed tasks for them with the intention of wanting the things done properly and right. This situation may back-fire where the children will instead demand help from the parents without trying as they doubt their own ability. To get help, the children may demand, cry, whine and even throw temper tantrums.

Therefore, always ask your children first if they need help. Parents should not interfere if the children are capable of doing things for themselves even though the results may not be up to the parent’s standards or expectations. Lastly, if you offer to help, do it in a way that teaches your child to be resourceful in order to solve the problem faced.

photo credit: preciouskhyatt

photo credit: Jasmic

Criticizing someone means you are passing your judgments to that person. Parents criticize their children when their children have done something wrong or behaved badly. There are many cases or incidents where the parents think that their children deserves criticism such as:

• When the kids fight
• When the kids drive the parents up the wall
• When the kids do not perform well in school
• When the kids do not carry out their chores at home
• When the kids lie to the parents

How would a wise parent criticize their kids?

Parents cannot avoid criticizing their children but wise parents would criticize less, is more selective and they do it with more consideration. Wise parents are aware that making a negative judgment can be complex and sometimes may have negative consequences.

A wise parent would prefer to use praise more often, say nice things especially when their children least expect it. They keep in mind that their children are still in a learning process where they do not know so many things yet. In addition, there are also many things that they cannot do very well yet. Childhood is a time where a lot of mistakes are made but fortunately there are also cases of things being done well.

Therefore, if you want to be a wise parent, criticize in the right way, being mindful of your child’s feelings at that time. When the child acknowledges his fault, your criticism will be taken more seriously and have a more positive effect on your child.

Recognizing that you have low parental self-esteem is important as this will encourage you to make changes or improvements. Parents who have low self-esteem will influence their children to be the same. Therefore, it is important to improve or raise your self-esteem in order for your children to follow suit.

What are the signs of low parental self-esteem?

Read through the list below and if you notice that they are common experience for you much of the time, then you most probably have low parental self-esteem.

• Most of the time, you are unable to complete your parental responsibilities. You lack the enthusiasm to complete or get them done.
• When you are at home, you feel depress and have lack of energy.
• You like to keep things simple and avoid activities involving the entire family in order to evade any hassles.
• You feel that other people are unable to do things properly. You tend to do things that you wish others would do.
• You feel that your children are controlling your life.
• A lot of times, you feel inadequate and not capable of handling your children.
• You always hold the thought that other people are doing a better parenting job compared to you.
• You always have the urge to get away from your family responsibilities.
• You often have the urge to be in control of your children as you are afraid they would get out of control.
• You find it difficult to discuss with your spouse about issues concerning the children as both of you tend to disagree. So, both of you avoid the discussion.

What can you do to raise your parental self-esteem?

Different people will find different ways that work for them depending on their background and situation. The idea is to find ways to obtain satisfaction from your parenting job and family life. Wise parents would go the extra mile and put more effort to reach this goal. Below are some ideas that may work for you.

• Make the effort to have time alone with your spouse or partner every week away from the rest of the family.
• Make it a ritual to spend time alone with each of your children, one-on-one.
• Start or practice family traditions to bring family members closer together and to create good memories.
• Practice to say “No” especially to your children if they are unreasonably demanding.
• Make the effort to have time for yourself to do as you like. If you love music, get your own personal music player.
• Maintain your friendship and have social gatherings with your close friends.
• Have a better planning to ensure all your tasks are completed. With better planning, there is less chance of interference or postponements.
• Make a pact with yourself not to lose your temper or shout for one day in a week.
• Once in awhile, make a list of the things that you are most grateful for in your life.

Your goal is to be a wise parent with high self-esteem. When you have achieve this level or condition, you will gain immense satisfaction and happiness from your family life. You will be calmer, more in control of your life, have more patience with your children, and have a better sense of humor, among other things.